Vulnerability

I know I have just written, but vulnerability has been the theme of my day, and I have an overwhelming draw to write about it.

Some of you might not know that I'm a pretty vulnerable person...but in the bad way, the way that holds me back from some experiences. I say the "bad way" because as per Brene Brown (author of Daring Greatly) she speaks about vulnerability as a good thing, as the ability to be open and receptive to experiences and to not protect yourself as a result of fear or insecurity.

Anyway, Conan leaving for a few days is always an opportunity to be vulnerable for a few days and to find comfort in it...as hard as that is. So as I sat in the apartment this morning, doing yoga, reading, emailing, and everything else I could think of to avoid having to go outside, the nervous tickle began deep in my gut. Once I left the apartment, I knew I would have to deal with all sorts of situations where I feel vulnerable. See below.

1. Speaking to young men (in clear English, with a sprinkling of Khmer) on motor bikes to secure transportation to my destination.
2. Getting on motor bikes with young men (the complete OPPOSITE of what a female traveler should do most everywhere else in the world).
3. Having faith that all Khmer people are good people and will not crash into me on the bike, especially since traffic rules don't really exist. Quick fact: 8 people a day die in motor bike accidents in Phnom Penh.
4. Arriving at my destination--that is, if my driver knows where he is going, and I don't have to help him out--and then fighting off hoards of more tuk-tuk and moto drivers who want to take me some place new even though I just arrived.
5. Putting trust in humankind (really in mankind) that I will not be raped since I just saw a statistic today that says 1 in 5 Cambodian men from ages 18-59 have admitted to rape in their lives. Gulp.

Okay, so I'm sure this post might be freaking some people out, but it shouldn't. What I meant to achieve is more of a confirmation for myself that I am okay. It is okay to be vulnerable and put myself out there for other people to experience (in a responsible manner). Because when I get home after days like this, I feel as if I have achieved something. I was vulnerable, and it was okay. No one laughed at me--okay, probably a few people did; I didn't die, and I am okay.

That said, I will leave you with the images below. To me, they capture how I feel when I am vulnerable but overcome. Maybe you can relate?